Karoke at the bronze
by Moonfire Goddess
Summary: WHAT HAVE WE DONE? Open mic night in Sunnydale? What unspeakable Horrors will we uncover when The Scoobies sing out their feelings!
1. Default Chapter

:::Xander glances at Buffy, who is apparently deep in thought about...him. Xander sighs. He's tired of Buffy still being in love with...Deadboy. He get's to his feet and hurries up to the stage.::: Xander: Okay...This one is dedicated to Buffy Summers...  
To the tune of "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" by Burt Bacharach,  
altered lyrics "Pained Vamps Keep Falling In Your Bed"  
Pained vamps keep falling in your bed,  
  
'cause of that your boyfriends souless and undead,  
  
necks are being bit,  
Those Pained vamps keep falling in your bed, they keep falling,  
  
Angel can't walk out in the sun,  
  
and with his soul I think he really was more fun,  
  
Slaying is you r job,  
Those Pained vamps keep falling in your bed, they keep falling,  
  
but there is one thing I know those vamps they sent to meet you won't  
defeat you,  
  
it wont be long till Spike and Dru step up to greet you,  
Oh, Pained vamps keep falling in your bed,  
  
but that doesn't mean you always sleep with the undead,  
  
cryings not for you, cause you never gonna stop the pain by complaining,  
  
Because your Buffy, and slayin is your jobby. 


	2. Barbie Girl, Buffy Style

Announcer: Uh...um...welcome! Here tonight is...The Master and his Minions...(gulp)...And they're here tonight with their rendition of...Wait! Hold on...there's a blonde girl leaping onto the stage! And she's grabbed the mic! Several others are joining her...  
Sung to the tune of "Barbie Girl" by Aqua, Altered lyrics "Slayer Girl"  
BUFFY: Hey Slayerettes!  
  
SLAYERETTES: Hey Buffy!  
  
BUFFY: Wanna kill some Vamps?  
  
SLAYERETTES: Sure Buffy!  
  
BUFFY: Come on!  
I'm a slayer girl  
  
In the Hellmouth world!  
  
Vampire, witch...life's a bitch  
  
I can curl my hair  
  
While stakes fly through the air.  
  
Warewolves and demons, everybody screamin'!  
MASTER: Come on Slayer, to my lair!  
BUFFY:I'm a blonde bimbo girl in a vampire crazed world  
  
Watch me kick, watch me flip, I'll kill you all  
ANGEL:My, oh my, Cryptic Guys' here to help you along  
  
Slay one here, slay one there, then hit the mall  
BUFFY: You can help, you can stay, if you say "I'll slay them all"  
I'm a slayer girl  
  
In the Hellmouth world!  
  
Vampire, witch...life's a bitch  
  
I can curl my hair  
  
While stakes fly through the air.  
  
Warewolves and demons, everybody screamin'! |Master: Come on slayer, to my |Buffy: I don't think so | |lair |Yeah right! Yeah right! | |Come on slayer, to my lair |I don't think so | |Come on slayer, to my lair |Yeah right! Yeah right! | |Come on slayer, to my lair | |  
  
BUFFY: Now you must turn to dust, I'll stake you, 1,2,3  
  
With one hand tied around my back and on one knee  
SLAYERETTES: Help us now, Slayer friend, they'll kill us in the end  
  
Get to work, go berserk, please save the world!  
BUFFY: You can help, you can stay, if you say "I'll slay them all"  
  
You can help, you can stay, if you say "I'll slay them all" |Master: Come on slayer, to my |Buffy: I don't think so | |lair |Yeah right! Yeah right! | |Come on slayer, to my lair |I don't think so | |Come on slayer, to my lair |Yeah right! Yeah right! | |Come on slayer, to my lair | |  
  
BUFFY: I'm a slayer girl  
  
In the Hellmouth world!  
  
Vampire, witch...life's a bitch  
  
I can curl my hair  
  
While stakes fly through the air.  
  
Warewolves and demons, everybody screamin'! |Master: Come on slayer, to my |Buffy: I don't think so | |lair |Yeah right! Yeah right! | |Come on slayer, to my lair |I don't think so | |Come on slayer, to my lair |Yeah right! Yeah right! | |Come on slayer, to my lair | |  
  
BUFFY: Ohhhhhh...I'm running out a stakes  
ANGEL: Well, Buffy, I've got a whole bag full  
BUFFY: (to herself) Oh, I love you Angel 


	3. OH NO! Xander's singing!

And now here's Xander Harris with "The Bum Bum Song"...  
To the tune of "The Bum Bum Song (Lonely Swedish)" by Tom Green  
altered lyrics "The Bum Bum Song (Lonely Demon)"  
  
My bum is on the vamp, my bum is on the vamp!  
Look at me! My bum is on the vamp!  
  
My bum is on the Watcher! Buffy's watcher!  
It's a lot of fun to put your bum on a watcher!  
  
My bum is on the grave, bum is on the grave,  
Don't fall down on the gave you might hurt your bum!  
  
And that's not very fun, if you fall down and hurt your bum,  
I like to put my bum in things, its fun for everyone!  
  
My bum is on Oz! My bum is on Oz!  
If I get unlucky, he'll bite me in the bum!  
  
My bum is on the Demon! Demon!  
Demon...demon.  
  
My bum is on the stake, bum is on the stake!  
I can kill a vampire with my stake, stake, stake!  
  
My bum is on Buffy! My bum is on Buffy!  
I hope she doesn't shoot the crossbow in my bum,  
and shoot poo all over the place! Poo poo!  
  
And that's not very fun, when she shoots a crossbow into your bum!  
I like to put my bum on things, its fun for everyone!  
  
My bum is on the witch!  
My bum is on the cross!  
My bum is on the ghost!  
My bum is all alone.  
  
The vamp, is all alone.  
The Watcher, is all alone.  
The demon, is all alone.  
My bum, is all alone.  
  
1...2...3...4  
  
My bum is all alone,  
My bum is all alone,  
My bum is all alone,  
My bum is all alone... 


	4. Yes, Giles is singing, in a group!

Announcer: Welcome to Group Song night, here at the Bronze! Our first song is being performed by Buffy and the Slayerettes... :::Lights go up on Buffy, Xander, Willow, Cordelia, and...yes, even Giles.  
To the tune of "Stop" by the Spice Girls , altered lyrics "Stake" Giles: You just walked in my name is Giles, come sit down and have some hot  
tea. Xander: Buffy stakes a vamp ,I run and hide, Helping out with Willow right  
behind me. Buffy: Xander and Willow, please go duck and cover, and take Cordy cause  
she really is a bother. Cordelia: Angel's in a craze, hope it's just a phase, cause vampires live  
forever. All: Angel really had a dark past, I hope this evil thing just wont last,  
Don't you know can't you see?  
Xander I get shoved down, on the ground, cause I'm always so annoying.  
All: Stake that vamp, we know you've slayed a bunch, cause it takes somebody with a human touch, load a silver bullet into my gun, just kidding  
Oz, we're just having fun. Do-do-an-do,do-do-an-do,do-do-an, Always be together, Ba-bampa-ba,ba-bampa-ba,ba bampa, Cause vampires live forever.  
Buffy: Xander and Willow, please go duck and cover, I can't concentrate  
when you always hover.  
Xander: You vamps all know who you are, and yes you're gonna die soon.  
You've messed with Buffy, so you must be crazy as a loon. All: Angel really had a dark past, I hope this evil thing just wont last,  
dont you know, cant you see?  
Xander: I get shoved down, on the ground, cause I'm always so annoying. All: Stake that vamp we know you've slayed a bunch, cause it needs somebody  
with a human touch, load a silver bullet into my gun, just kidding Oz,  
we're just having fun..... Xander: Stop right now, we wanna kill you, we wanna slay you, stop right  
there, thank you very much, thank you very much. 


	5. This is a special chapter, cause I said ...

And now welcome special guests Eminem with their hit "Shim Slayer"!  
To the tune of "My Name Is" by Eminem altered lyrics "Shim Slayer" by  
Kotis  
Hi kids, wanna see me get violent? (yeah yeah)  
  
Wanna see me assult vamps without intent? (yeah)  
  
Wanna copy Faith, deal with Angel like she did, and try to get screwed  
up worse than her life is? (yeah yeah yeah)  
  
Drusilla's brain is dead weight, she can't get it on straight  
  
I know Xander's just looking for a Slayer he can impregnate (Umm  
Kendra?)  
  
Giles said "Shim you're a Slayer (uh uh) Then why'd you slay her?  
Look, you're your plastered."  
  
Well, since age 12, I've been killing elves that bark like hellhounds  
standing in a corner biting their tails  
  
Got pissed off, ripped Harmony's lips off, kissed them and said "I  
didn't know collagen was this soft!"  
  
I knocked a vampire bat out and it crashed, landed in the grass faster  
than the vamp  
  
who fell down the stairs too fast  
  
C'mere Cordy! (Shim! That's my girl dog!)  
  
You think I give a care? Rayne wants me to take the world on!  
  
Hi my name is (who?)  
  
My name is (What?)  
  
My name is (Shim Slayer)  
  
Hi my name is (who?)  
  
My name is (what?)  
  
My name is (Shim Slayer)  
  
Calendar tried to flunk me in senior high (damn!)  
  
Correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't she die?  
  
I hit her with orbs and erasers, stole her books and staplers, told  
her she'd get 'em back when she changed my paper (yeah!)  
  
Walked into the Bronze, I dusted two vampires that were getting it on  
  
Serpents have been running over demons with spaceships and hollering  
"We'll never be friends!"  
  
Ninety-nine percent of this town is lied to, I just learned that Buffy  
dusts more vamps than I do  
  
I told her I wanted to be a Slayer, she didn't believe me and just  
said See ya later  
  
She yelled at me for trying to blow up mausoleums, of course if I had,  
she'd say "I can't blame him"  
  
You know you're screwed up when Drusilla asks you advice, I actually  
said I'd give her some, she smiled and said, "That'd be nice"  
  
Spike walked in then and kicked my ass, now my good slaying pants are  
stained with blood, mud, grass, and other crap  
  
Chorus  
  
Stop it right now, I don't want to get raped! Drusilla needs to be  
locked away! (She went that way men!)  
  
Dr. Zhivago, don't just stand there, operate! (now)  
  
I've got to leave before I die, they might get me in a cemetery and  
bury me while I'm still half-alive  
  
Are we winning or losing? Who gets to decide? I just lost a pint, dare  
me to drive? (go ahead)  
  
I tend to get hurt when I talk, I'll slay anything dead that walks  
(heh heh heh c'mere)  
  
Vampires tend to hang out and feed in gangs  
  
Are you going to drain me now? You call those fangs?  
  
I decided to have fun and strapped Drusilla into her bed  
  
Spike wants to send the Order of Takara after me, but they're all dead  
  
Just like Faith, I've gone mad  
  
If you happen to see Wesley (yeah?), tell him I beheaded him in a  
dream I had. 


	6. Crazy

Welcome back to Buffy, with "Crazy".

_To the tune of "Drive Me Crazy" by Britney Spears altered lyrics "Crazy" _

Vampy, I'll drive this stake into you.

You've got those fangs,

What can I do?

Vampy, I'll spin you around. (Ohh)

The earth ain't movin,

That's me punchin you around.

Every time you come near me,

I get this feeling it's easy to see.

You drive me crazy!

I never get to sleep!

I'd be excited,

If you'd stay 6ft deep!

(Ohhhh) Crazy!

But it feels all right!

Vampy, punchin stakes through you're heart,

Keeps me up all night!

Tell me, just how much you hate me,

Cause I'm gonna be the last person you will see.

Tell me, I'm not in the blue, (Oh)

That I'm not wastin my fighting on you.

Every time I come near you,

You're gonna be dust, it's easy to do.

Stakin you means so much more,

More than anything I've ever done before.

You drive me crazy!

I never get to sleep!

I'd be excited,

If you'd stay 6ft deep!

(Ohhh) Crazy!

But it feels all right!

Vampy puttin stakes through you're heart,

Keeps me up all night!


	7. Vampire no5

The Bronze's Open Mic Night 

"Now please welcome Ms. Buffy Summers!"

Buffy takes her place on stage.

_To the tune of "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega altered lyrics "Vampire Number Five" _

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is vampire number five!

One, two, three, four, five, everybody in the Bronze so c'mon let's drive

To the weapons store around the corner

The Slayerettes want some knives and stakes but I don't really want another

Massacre like we had last night

I must stay awake 'cause they need that stake

I killed The Mayor, the Master, the Judge and Sunday

And I must continue, or they'll win out on Monday

So what can I do? I really twist in the knife

To me Slaying is just my life

Anyone run? I'll kill 'em and it ain't hard

Please stop 'em in the graveyard

A little bit of Hellmouth in my life,

A little bit of Ted who wants a wife

A little bit of Amy and her spell of love

A little bit of Gwen Post with her glove

A little bit of Spike now in the Sun

A little bit of Lyle on the run

A little bit of Faith gets in my hair

A little bit of you makes me your Slayer!!!!

Vampire number five!

Jump up and down, and struggle all around,

On a burial mound, get your ass on the ground

Take a roundhouse left, block with the right

A bite on the neck, a claw in the side

Box the ears once and punch the jaw twice

And if they end up dust then you're doing it right

A little bit of Hellmouth in my life,

A little bit of Ted who wants a wife

A little bit of Amy and her spell of love

A little bit of Gwen Post with her glove

A little bit of Spike now in the Sun

A little bit of Lyle on the run

A little bit of Faith gets in my hair

A little bit of you makes me your Slayer!!!!

Graveyard, the graveyard

Vampire number five!

A little bit of Xander at my back,

A little bit of Giles on the attack,

A little bit of Willow casts a spell,

A little bit of Angel back from Hell,

A little bit of Cordy can be rough,

A little bit of Mom is quite enough,

A little bit of Oz when without hair,

A little bit of you makes me your Slayer!

I do all to stalk and kill a vampire like you

And you can't run, so have no doubt,

You and me gonna duke it out

Vampire number five!


	8. Spike sings for Willow! gasp

This is for all the Spike Fans out there!

Thanx for all the reviews...reviews will be answered next chapter!

Announcer: Welcome once again to Open Mic Night! And here with "Willow Dear" is Spike!

_To the tune of "Mary Jane" by Alanis Morrissette altered lyrics "Willow Dear" _

What's the matter, Willow Dear, you had a hard day  
You're crying on your bed, you closed the door  
You lost the guy you love again, what a pity  
All your magic spells can't help you anymore.

It's a long way down  
On this rollarcoaster  
The last chance street car  
Went off the track  
And you're on it.

I hear you broke the poor boy's heart, Willow Dear  
Before Cordelia fell through the floor  
I hear you're trying love spells, Willow Dear  
Do you ever wonder who you're doing it for?

Well it's full speed baby  
In the wrong direction  
There's a few tough choices  
if that's the way  
You insist on heading

Please be honest, Willow Dear  
Are you happy?  
Please, don't censor your tears

You're his sweet shy girlfriend  
Though you're pleading for forgiveness  
You're the red-haired Wiccan Girl  
And that's why, he'll love you

So take this moment Willow dear, and be cheerful  
Worry not when he passes you by  
All that matters Willow Dear, is you're happy  
Keep warm, my dear, don't cry

Tell me  
Tell me  
What's the matter Willow dear...


	9. Challenge and review answers

This chapter is for all my reviews...I LOVE YOU! You're my heros...I think that's the plural of hero?

Anyways:

MeoW03: I'm glad you like my work and I hope you appreciate the Giles one I did. YAY Giles!

The Red Cheese Is Wax: Hmmm...Funny? At least you didn't say it was serious, if you did I would be worried! But glad you liked it!

Buffy13-buffyspike4eva: You think it's weird? Gasp (starts crying), no I'm joking...I'm used to it...but at least you said it's good.

Ellandra: Wait! Why am I sending a message out to you...I hate you (jk)...Yes, the others will be on there.

ChArMeDcRaZyChIcK: glad you liked it and knew all the songs...YAY!

Mistymidninght: So Mambo...I mean Vampire Number Five was your favorite? Yeah...That goes back...good memories! LOL!

Spike'sRedQueen: You want Willow and Spike? WHAT AM I A SERVANT? (JOKING!)I might try...I think you will like chapter 8...it has Spike singing for Willow!

Courtknee: I don't think so, I just made them up, whenever I had down time...that means when I was bored, so I have a lot of them!

The Mardog: So you like it, you really, really like it? Can I please do some more please?gets down on knees and begs Even though your mouth hurts from laughing can I PLEASE do some more? Pwetty pwease?

Okay and now I HAVE A CHALLENGE FOR YOU!!! MUHHAHAHAHAH! This is a kinda long one so you're gonna have to e-mail me.

The Challenge is: Write a Willow and Spike (Duet) song and e-mail it to me, put the original song you used and the singer/band, then put the altered name of the song, if I like it (I might just pick a winner), I will use your song and give the credits to you.

So the challenge has been set, who will come forth and accept it?


End file.
